Youíve Gotta Be Crazy (1974)

From the musical "Bulbous!"

MIDI file

[Station manager:]
So you wanna learn to emote through a ribbon mike or remote
As a DJ on a station of the air? Well!
To keep from being shoddy we can't take just anybody;
KMA needs people who aren't quite all there!
[Spoken:]
Well, a novice once approached me and said, "Scott, I don't quite understand
Just how a station should be managed so that things all go as planned."
I told him, "Son, I'm not the one to whom your questions you should raise;
I never planned a thing in all my days."
"Mr. Garvin," he replied, "at least I'm sure you have a word for me
About the way you view your work, a bit of your philosophy,"
To which I said, "I guess that's true, we all have something in our head,
A credo of some sort that guides the way we choose to make our bread,"
And so I thought of what mine ought to be.
[Sung:]
And it goes like this:
Be a nut but a nice one and you'll make it;
Make the listener think you're totally insane!
Play a record and then pick it up and break it
'Cause you think you're getting vinyl on the brain!
If you want to get in radio...you've gotta be crazy!
Get your role established early in September
And you'll be off to a hifalutin start,
Just as long as you are certain to remember
Not to worry if the station falls apart!
If you want to get in radio, you've gotta be crazy.

[Program director:]
Jump around the format like a spastic rabbit
So the audience can't know what's coming next.
Play a Mozart cut and follow with Black Sabbath;
Play it backwards so they're even more perplexed!
If you want to get in radio, you've gotta be crazy.

[News director:]
Tell the news like you're bombed out of your gizzard;
In the sports expose a jock to be a nerd.
When it's weather time predict a raging blizzard,
Unless, of course, a blizzard's what's preferred.
If you want to get in radio, you've gotta be crazy.

[Music director:]
Play good music for the critics when they review;
Try to keep the ratings in the treble clef.
Now it's true I program records I don't preview,
But it doesn't matter much 'cause I'm half deaf!
If you want to get in radio, you've gotta be crazy.

[Dialog spoken over music]

[New guy:]
Oh!...I'm so glad that I've found a crazy station,
Where I know that itís OK to be a freak!
I see madness that could last a generation,
And I've only been in college for a week!

[All:]
If you want to get in radio, you've gotta be crazy!
You've gotta be crazy;
Crazy man, crazy...crazy man, crazy!

 

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