Silverfish Ate My Shorts (1975)

Lyrics by Mark R. Alley
Music by Richard K. Carson

MIDI file

My mansion stands on top of a hill at Sonova Beach.
The real estate broker grinned and took my check,
For in his mind he knew, that leech,
That in one month I'd leave and sell this wreck.
The chandeliers hang so low they hit my head,
And the brand new sheets, they just weren't what I said.
The place is old, I know that's true,
But when I hit the hay with you,
The fleas and ticks infest my queen-size bed.

What's your trepidation?
Try some mental relaxation
In my house on your vacation.
Though your case's dissipation
May be due to some fixation
Or an insect's visitation.
Some silverfish ate my shorts!

Nematodes, mites and spiders,
Centipedes and water striders,
Termites, beetles, sucky dealies,
Flies and bees and things with wheelies
All jump out and try to haunt me,
Consume my socks, they spring and taunt me.
What goes on amidst the night?
The insects crawl and slink and skitter.
With cans of spray can I end this blight?
They even eat the Kitty Litter.

Chomp chomp eat eat, bug excreta;
Digestion, swallow, should it eat-a;
Glom on now, it's hard to beat a
Bug invasion; I'll move to Reseda.
I'll throw some anthrax, I'll tear my hair;
Grenades and bombs and a folding chair.
I'll kick and scrape and cuss, then run,
Head for my Nash, this ain't no fun.
I plain give up, no more, they win.
If I stay here any longer
I can notify my next of kin.
(Chorus twice)


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