Santa Claus Spat in My Stocking (1971)

By Richard K. Carson and Dale M. Hytholt, Jr.

MIDI file

On Christmas Eve I washed my socks and hung them up to dry,
And then I took the one on which I knew I could rely.
I tacked it to the mantelpiece and saw it was just right
For Santa with his bag of loot to use that Christmas night.

On Christmas Day I bounded down into the living room
To find what joys I had received, what candy to consume.
I took my stocking from the tack and then I promptly frowned,
For instead of presents by the score, well, this is what I found:

Santa Claus spat in my stocking,
A thing that he'd never done before;
It blew up my faith in Kris Kringle,
And I ain't gonna trust no elves no more.

It came as quite a shock to me to think that old Saint Nick
Would ever have the gall to pull just such a dirty trick.
I'd come down to the mantelpiece with visions of things fair;
Imagine my surprise to find a big ol' loogie there.

Santa Claus spat in my stocking,
The meanest thing I bet he ever did;
He showed no respect for the feelings
Of an innocent 30-year-old kid.

Well, I decided that I wouldn't take it lying down,
And so I rigged a booby trap to foil that mangy clown.
Saint Nick will get his just deserts when Christmas comes next year,
For in the chimney flue I've stuffed mementos from his deer.

Santa Claus spat in my stocking,
But he hasn't seen the last of me;
I'm gonna pay it back to that old scoundrel,
Till he stops hanging round my Christmas tree, oh yeah,
Till he stops hanging round my Christmas tree!


Carson Restoration Archive Project
HomeSite map
Spoken word: Digital Readout TrilogyRadio spots
Music: Bulbous!Other songsInstrumentals
Text: WritingsPuzzles